Friday, February 29, 2008

A test of faith

I am a Christian woman. A few years ago I faltered on my walk with God. I didn't stop believing, I was just in the mindset that what God wanted for me wasn't what I wanted so I went my own way. I have recently started going back to church and reading my bible and praying more. I feel a peace when I talk to God and I feel that my walk with Him makes me a better wife, mother and friend.

I feel like I am a newborn in Christ again and feel like my faith is being tested often. About 6 weeks ago Jaelynn got very sick. She had ear infection and broncilitis. She was put on antibiotics and a nebulizer for a little over a week. Thankfully everything cleared up and she bounced back wonderfully. Shortly after that my little princess was once again not feeling well and spiking fevers out of the blue. So back to the doctor we went and Jaelynn was diagnosed with sinus infection and another ear infection. Another 10 days of antibiotics and she was fine.

Last week Kevin came down with influenza and Jaelynn started with the fevers again. I took them both back to the doctor and Kevin was put on meds and Jaelynn was fine. Chest was clear and ears were fine. So we got her fever to break and she was my happy baby again. During this time I talked to my dad and step-mom who were believing with me for health. They also told me that I need to take authority over my household. So while my husband and daughter slept I prayed.

We had a terrible night Wednesday. Very little sleep and lots of crying. I honestly thought Jaelynn was teething. I prayed for comfort and peace in her body and gave her all sorts of teething meds but nothing seemed to help. My faith was very shaken. I believe very much in the power of prayer and have prayed over Jaelynn since the day she was born. I pray for my family and friends everyday. I believe that God does answer why was it not working the other night. I think it was because I was so tired and had put myself into a negative frame of mind. Instead of going to God first I went to him as a last resort to fix my problem but didn't think he really would. Jaelynn spiked a fever again yesterday and back to the doctor we went. She has double ear infection and is now on meds....again. We go back in 10 days for a check-up and may possibly have to go see a specialist about tubes.

She slept much better last night but was still up a few times. At one point I lay in bed listening to her breath and realized she was breathing very rapidly and kind of shallow. My first instinct was to load everyone up and head to the ER. Instead I prayed. I prayed for healing in Jaelynn's body and wisdom for me to make the right decisions. While I was praying visions of Jaelynn in the hospital were running through my head and I feared that I was making the wrong choice and might loose my baby. I asked God to help me. To give me peace in the decision not to run off to the ER and I demanded those thoughts out of my head. In just a few short minutes Jaelynn's breathing returned to normal and I felt at peace and was able to go to sleep without worry.

I know that my faith is being tested every day. As a mother I feel like I am always second guessing my decisions. Last night made me realize how much I need to lean on God and believe in what I am praying for. I read something the other day that really hit home with me. God doesn't promise smooth sailing, but he does promise a safe landing. He has not made my daughter sick and I need to lean on him and believe that she is healthy. I'm at peace with our check up in the next 10 days. I'm believing for a good report and that Jaelynn will not need to have tubes. I have faith in God and I believe that He will heal my daughter.

I just really felt the need to get this down today. Writing it helps me stand firm on my decision to trust God. I believe that by understanding that my faith will be tested I can be better equipped for when it happens. I will continue to pray over my family and I will trust in God for a good report.

No comments:

Post a Comment