Friday, February 29, 2008

A test of faith

I am a Christian woman. A few years ago I faltered on my walk with God. I didn't stop believing, I was just in the mindset that what God wanted for me wasn't what I wanted so I went my own way. I have recently started going back to church and reading my bible and praying more. I feel a peace when I talk to God and I feel that my walk with Him makes me a better wife, mother and friend.

I feel like I am a newborn in Christ again and feel like my faith is being tested often. About 6 weeks ago Jaelynn got very sick. She had ear infection and broncilitis. She was put on antibiotics and a nebulizer for a little over a week. Thankfully everything cleared up and she bounced back wonderfully. Shortly after that my little princess was once again not feeling well and spiking fevers out of the blue. So back to the doctor we went and Jaelynn was diagnosed with sinus infection and another ear infection. Another 10 days of antibiotics and she was fine.

Last week Kevin came down with influenza and Jaelynn started with the fevers again. I took them both back to the doctor and Kevin was put on meds and Jaelynn was fine. Chest was clear and ears were fine. So we got her fever to break and she was my happy baby again. During this time I talked to my dad and step-mom who were believing with me for health. They also told me that I need to take authority over my household. So while my husband and daughter slept I prayed.

We had a terrible night Wednesday. Very little sleep and lots of crying. I honestly thought Jaelynn was teething. I prayed for comfort and peace in her body and gave her all sorts of teething meds but nothing seemed to help. My faith was very shaken. I believe very much in the power of prayer and have prayed over Jaelynn since the day she was born. I pray for my family and friends everyday. I believe that God does answer why was it not working the other night. I think it was because I was so tired and had put myself into a negative frame of mind. Instead of going to God first I went to him as a last resort to fix my problem but didn't think he really would. Jaelynn spiked a fever again yesterday and back to the doctor we went. She has double ear infection and is now on meds....again. We go back in 10 days for a check-up and may possibly have to go see a specialist about tubes.

She slept much better last night but was still up a few times. At one point I lay in bed listening to her breath and realized she was breathing very rapidly and kind of shallow. My first instinct was to load everyone up and head to the ER. Instead I prayed. I prayed for healing in Jaelynn's body and wisdom for me to make the right decisions. While I was praying visions of Jaelynn in the hospital were running through my head and I feared that I was making the wrong choice and might loose my baby. I asked God to help me. To give me peace in the decision not to run off to the ER and I demanded those thoughts out of my head. In just a few short minutes Jaelynn's breathing returned to normal and I felt at peace and was able to go to sleep without worry.

I know that my faith is being tested every day. As a mother I feel like I am always second guessing my decisions. Last night made me realize how much I need to lean on God and believe in what I am praying for. I read something the other day that really hit home with me. God doesn't promise smooth sailing, but he does promise a safe landing. He has not made my daughter sick and I need to lean on him and believe that she is healthy. I'm at peace with our check up in the next 10 days. I'm believing for a good report and that Jaelynn will not need to have tubes. I have faith in God and I believe that He will heal my daughter.

I just really felt the need to get this down today. Writing it helps me stand firm on my decision to trust God. I believe that by understanding that my faith will be tested I can be better equipped for when it happens. I will continue to pray over my family and I will trust in God for a good report.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Princess Update

It's been so long!

I just looked back and realized the last time I gave a Jaelynn update was 4 1/2 months!! So much has changed since then!

Jaelynn is now sitting up by herself! She is such a big girl. She loves to sit on the floor and play with her toys and talk to Zeke. She gets very serious when she talks to him....I think she is telling him she really wants to grab his tail! She isn't rolling over yet. Instead she falls forward to get on her belly! I have a feeling that when she starts crawling, walking will follow very quickly. She doesn't have any teeth yet but that isn't stopping her! She eats all 2nd foods and just started on 3rd foods. She has also had a little debbie snack cake, an english muffin and a bannana. She loves to feed herself. We have a huge mess to clean up when she is done but just too cute!

Lets see...what else.....Oh...she is up to 16.6 pounds and growing more every day. Jaelynn loves her sippy cup with juice and isn't so crazy about the bottle anymore. She is still sleeping through the night for the most part and really is just a joy to be around. We have had a few sicknesses that have scared me but we are on the road to being healthy...some warmer weather would help!

I love being a mom. As she gets older I've really had to keep myself in check. I thought it would get easier to drop her off at daycare and be away from her. I was so wrong. I've recently been going through a tough time but thanks to all the people in my life I'm finally starting to pull out of this rut. Here are a few things I'm trying to remember:
-Jaelynn loves me even though I work and she doesn't care that I haven't lost the extra weight.
-I need to take time for myself every once in awhile and just be me. I don't have to be super mom....I just have to be mom and wife.
-If things don't get done around the house but I get to play with Jaelynn for an hour that is okay.
-I need to shut off the mommy switch every once in awhile and be a wife to Kevin. I may not have the same body but he still thinks I'm sexy as hell!!

I'll try to be better about posting in the future!